Bedtime Stories
Bedtime Stories
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Excerpt from People magazine, July 21
… and Reese was evidently very excited about an upcoming project in which she would be hosting a contest. “It’s a bedtime story contest, and all of the contestants write and recite their own stories. Isn’t that so charming? I’ll be hosting the finals. I can’t wait.” We do think it’s charming and wish her the best of luck …
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Excerpt from The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
William 'Willie’ the Snake was a snake. A very slippery snake. He was four feet long and was green and brown with little yellow triangle patterns all over his scaly snakeskin. Willie made his home in a hollowed-out tree in the woods. He had his bed in there, and a TV, and there was a small kitchen where he made his meals.
Willie was having a bad day. One of those days where nothing goes right. He slithered up to one of his favorite watering holes for something to drink. He wanted a sip of nice, cool water but when he started to drink a cricket popped up and bit him on the nose.
“Ouch, why did you do that?” Willie said.
“I’m a cricket, that’s what we do,” said the cricket.
“Crickets don’t bite,” said Willie, rubbing his nose with his tail.
“I do,” said the cricket and he bit Willie again …
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Partial transcript from Eyewitness News 9, WSNR, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood, On the scene reporter
The finals for the 28th annual Zaxby Bedtime Story Competition have arrived. It’s been a rough several weeks for some of the contestants but we finally have our two finalists - Zach Zimby and Zellina Zowenhauer. They will be reading their own story Saturday night at the gala, as usual, and this year's hostess is the wonderful Reese Witherspoon.
After the readings, there will be an interpretive dance troupe who will… well… interpret the two stories in the unique way that they do. This year’s entertainment is from Downtown Dance Club from East Flamingo High School.
Following the dance show, this year’s contest winner will be announced and the lustrous Zaxby Prize will be presented to the winner. As you know, the Zaxby Prize is a beautiful cup made of solid gold with stainless steel plating, resting on a gorgeous hunk of rustic oak grown right here in East Flamingo.
Earlier, I spoke with Renée Renault, contest coordinator. Here’s what she had to say.
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood: Looks like another exciting year of bedtime stories, huh Renée?
Renée Renault: Yes, I think we had a wonderful group this year. Zellina had nearly all the judges fast asleep in her quarterfinal win.
SHH: Speaking of Zellina, what do you think of this year’s finalists?
RR: Oh my goodness. Aren’t they great? Zach has been here before, hasn’t won yet but I’m pretty sure he has a good shot this time. Zellina is so young, it’s her first competition and she’s in the final. It’s so exciting.
SHH: Yes, I agree. And the way Zellina delivered her semifinal story last week, in the military uniform with the drones overhead. Stunning!
RR: Simply outstanding, Sasha. I think she should have saved that one for the final but there’s always surprises at the end. Zach might have a trick or two up his sleeve too. He’s really got a special um… talent. You know, for stories.
SHH: Thanks Renée. Spectacular job as always.
RR: Thank you, Sasha.
While the crew were busy setting up the auditorium, I had a chance to sit down with each of the finalists. Here are portions from those interviews.
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood: Congratulations, Zach. Second year in a row as a finalist. How are you feeling?
Zach Zimby: Aw, man, this is so amazing. I thought I fu- ...messed up in the quarters, I guess the judges didn’t notice. But, dude, the finals! I can’t believe it.
SHH: What do you think about your co-finalist, Zellina Zowenhauer?
ZZ: Oh, her? She’s just a kid. I mean, she’s lit-er-al-ly a kid.
SHH: That’s right, she’s fifteen.
ZZ: She’s a wannabe neophyte. I think I got this. I think. I’m not worried. Should I be worried?
SHH: Well, she did do an amazing job in the semis.
ZZ: True, true. Well, I’ve got a killer story for the final. I think I’ll do okay.
SHH: Thanks Zach, good luck.
ZZ: Yeah.
I next met with Zach’s finals competitor, Zellina.
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood: Hi Zellina, congratulations for making it to your first final. Are you able to handle all the stress and attention?
Zellina Zowenhauer: Oh, thank you. Everybody’s been so so nice to me. I can’t believe I’m actually here. This has been so much fun. It’s amazing!
SHH: You pretty much wowed everybody last week. Where do you come up with your ideas?
Zellina: Oh, my god, thank you. I don’t know, they just pop into my head and then I type them into my phone and then I talk to my dad about them and then we sorta think it through. Crazy, right?
SHH: He’s not helping you write any of the stories, is he? That would be against contest rules.
Zellina: Oh, no no no no. He just comments on what I write and says things like “good one” or “great idea.” Oh. My. God. I just saw Reese Witherspoon.
SHH: Alright, I know you would like to go and meet her. Good luck tonight, and thanks for talking with us.
Zellina: Okay, byeee!
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Excerpt from The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
There once was a land in which miles of green grassland abounded and the main occupations were farmers, carpenters, and metal workers. Of course, each village also had a sheep herder and a sheep dreamcaster. A dreamcaster was someone who helped the townspeople get to sleep so that they could dream. In these small villages in this quiet land, they used sheep. Each sheep would jump over a wooden slat-rail fence, one by one, then make a cute little bleat after landing on the other side. Not too loud, mind you.
The entire village would crowd into the central square and watch the dreamcaster’s show. Each evening, the residents would see ewes and lambs and rams quietly and predictably jump over the fence and softly touch down with a relaxing “baa-aa.” After the monotonous but enjoyable show, the townspeople grew sleepy and would scatter and retire to their homes, safe in the knowledge that every last sheep made it over that darned obstacle. They would be in their cozy beds, fast asleep in a matter of minutes.
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Dayton Dispatch, September 12
Local Storyteller in Finals… Again!
Last summer, Zach Zimby, 24, of Fairview made the finals in the Zaxby Bedtime Story Competition. This year, he’s done it again and his entire neighborhood is celebrating. This Saturday there will be a huge block party in Zach’s honor, to cheer the hometown hero on to his first win. The party is located at the intersection of Hobart Avenue and 4th Street and will start at noon. Local merchants will supply tables, some of the decorations, and disposable food service such as cups and plates. BYOB! There will be live bands, clowns for the kids, games, and lots of food. Bring your appetite! There will also be copies of Zach’s bedtime stories for sale and, who knows, maybe you can get it autographed.
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Excerpt from The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
… on this one particular day, Willie decided to take a crawl over to the house of his friend. His friend was a rambunctious meerkat named Clancy. Willie and Clancy liked to play cards, drink swamp juice and suck on the grassweed that grew in the field near Clancy’s house. Whenever they did this, Willie would become more slippier than ever and Clancy would call him Silly Willie.
Well, it so happened, on that day, Clancy’s nephew, Kirkland was visiting and the three of them were having as much fun as was permitted in that part of the county. Willie was about as slippery as he had ever been. Clancy and Kirkland were playing Keep-Away and were tossing Willie’s hat back and forth, and Willie was sliding this way and that way trying to retrieve it. They were all laughing and having maybe a little more fun than what was allowed on a Tuesday afternoon.
What happened next is something that had never happened before in Willie’s lifetime. Clancy threw the hat to Kirkland and Willie slid over in Kirkland’s direction, and Kirkland threw the hat back to Clancy. But Kirkland’s throw was off and the hat hit the ground. So naturally, Willie swooped over and down to get it but Clancy was too fast and picked it up and threw it back to Kirkland. This made Willie change directions way too fast and he became entangled in himself. That’s right, Willie had tied himself into a knot!
Everyone was laughing at the absurd situation, even Willie, but it was soon clear that this was quite a predicament. Willie was one big snakeknot. He couldn’t slither. He couldn’t slide. He couldn’t slip. He couldn’t glide. Clancy and Kirkland stopped laughing because they knew this was serious business. Willie was still laughing because he sucked on too much grassweed. But when he tried to untangle himself and found that he couldn’t, he became quiet.
So, it was decided that Clancy and Kirkland would push and roll Willie into Clancy’s house and discuss the situation. And that’s exactly what they did, even though Willy got dizzy from all the rolling.
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Excerpt from Parade magazine, August 29
… Reese is juggling several projects at the moment. Her book club, a podcast, movies, she’s even writing a screenplay. We asked her what’s on her plate in the near future. “Well, I'm flying to Ohio to host a bedtime story contest. I don’t know why I’m doing it, I think it’ll be fun. At least I hope so.” Reese was a little more animated when discussing her book club pick this month …
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Poster on utility pole, Hobart Avenue, Dayton, Ohio
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Excerpt from The Little Lamb That Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
… and Fluffita tried again but couldn’t even reach the bottom rail of the fence. Her mother suggested trying running and jumping, like a hurdler in the Olympics. So Fluffita backed up ten paces or so, that’s twenty paces for people, and started to run. It didn’t work. Fluffita bonked her head on the middle rail. She started to cry. She was to make her debut in that evening’s show and all her friends from the herd could easily clear the fence.
The little lamb’s mother consoled her and tried to come up with a way to get Fluffita over the top rail. Maybe if she wore rubber shoes she could get a good bounce going …
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Partial Transcript from ActionNews 4, WEFO, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center
Sam Helsinki, On the scene reporter
Thanks, Brad. I’m at the Sawyer Convention Center where the atmosphere is buzzing with excitement as, in a short while, the finalists for the Zaxby Bedtime Story Competition will take the stage and read their stories. After a month-long elimination round, it’s down to just two finalists - Zach Zimby and Zellina Zowenhauer. If you recall, Zach won second place last year, so he’s no stranger to the game. We spoke to him earlier.
Sam Helsinki: Hi Zach. Second time as a finalist. Are you excited?
Zach Zimby: Aw, hell yeah! I came this close to winning last year. I want that cup.
SH: What’s your final story about?
Zach: I wish I could say, Sam, but I’m keeping everything hush-hush. I mean, I told Renée, but…
SH: Renée Renault, the contest coordinator?
Zach: Well, yeah. I mean, she.. uh… asked. I mean… I guess I didn’t really need to tell her, but… um, you know.
SH: Alright, Zach, no harm no foul. Can you at least tell me if it’s another one of your scary tales or is it more tame?
Zach: Haha. Yeah, it’s a normal story. No blood or guts or anything like that.
SH: Sounds great. Okay Zach, good luck out there.
Zach: Thanks, man.
SH: And now, waiting behind Zach is Zellina Zowenhauer, and oh my goodness, look at you. Is that a Little Bo Peep costume?
Zellina: It sure is! I made it myself. Well, my mom helped a little. She sews real good. My dad made the stick. I think it’s called a crook or something.
SH: You look amazing, Zellina. Am I to understand from this that your story is about sheep?
Zellina: Yeah, I mean, I can’t tell you that for certain. You’re gonna have to wait and see.
SH: Okay, okay, I won’t pester you about it, heh, heh. How do you feel about your chances of taking home the Zaxby Prize?
Zellina: I’m feeling good about it. I don’t think Zach’s wearing a costume and his story is probably gross or something. My story is really good.
SH: Well, we all can’t wait to see you recite it. Good luck, Zellina.
Zellina: Okay, you too.
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Excerpt from The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
… then Clancy got a crowbar from his tool shed and tried to insert it into Willie’s knot.
“Ouch,” Willie cried, “that hurts.”
“Sorry about that, buddy,” Clancy said and dropped the crowbar.
“How ‘bout some kinda grease?” Kirkland offered.
“Ooh, good idea,” Clancy said. He went to the kitchen and the other two could hear him fumbling around, banging cupboard doors, grumbling to himself. Finally, he appeared in the doorway holding a small bottle of extra virgin olive oil in his outstretched hand and exclaimed, “Got it!” as if he had found the last bone of a T-Rex skeleton in an archaeological dig.
“What’s that for,” Willie said.
“Lu-bri-ca-tion,” Clancy said, enunciating each syllable like he was talking to a child who had been dropped on his head too many times.
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Excerpt from US Weekly magazine, September 13
…”Oh, I have to do this event, a contest or something,” Reese says with a wave of her hand. “After that, I’m flying to Italy to do a movie with Ryan Gosling!” The gleam is back in her eyes…
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Excerpt from The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
… although she knew deep down that Fluffita would never get over the fence on her own power, she felt there must be a solution. The rubber booties didn’t work, in fact they probably slowed her down somewhat and that wasn’t a good thing. The trampoline idea was a good one, but it would cause too much commotion in the show for it to be feasible. Fluffita’s mother thought about it for a good long time.
When she came up with the perfect solution, Fluffita’s mother was not so much surprised as she was excited. It was a grand idea, simple yet effective, and as far as she knew, perfectly within the guidelines of the show. She couldn’t wait to tell Fluffita that tonight, in front of the villagers and all the other sheep, she was going over that fence.
Fluffita listened as her mother explained her plan and she became excited as well and started to jump around the field in exuberant joy. (Not very high, remember she was just a tiny lamb.) The two of them practiced for an hour until Fluffita made it over the fence five times in a row.
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Partial Transcript from Eyewitness News 9, WSNR, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood, On the scene reporter
I’m here at the Sawyer Convention Center where the two finalists are about to take the stage in the 28th annual Zaxby Bedtime Story Competition. Just before we went on air, a coin toss determined that Zach Zimby of Fairview will read first. He’s no stranger to this competition since he was a finalist last year. After Zach, Zellina Zowenhauer of Toronto will go on and recite her story. Then the Downtown Dance Club will give us a taste of their one-of-a-kind moves and, after that, the winner will be announced. I’ll have a full report coming up after Stan the Man’s Sports Blitz. Back to you in the studio.
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Partial Transcript, Personal Video Recording, September 18
Janice Zimby (Sister)
… [Polite applause]
[Local announcer introduces Reese Witherspoon]
[Thunderous applause, cheering, whooping]
“Thank you, thank you. Oh my goodness.”
[Cheers and applause continue but start to die down]
“Thank you. Hello, Ohio! I’m Reese.”
[More thunderous applause, cheering, whooping] …
… “Well, I guess that means it’s time for some stories, huh? Our first finalist is a man who is no stranger to this stage. I wasn’t here last year but I heard he did pretty good.”
[Applause, whooping]
“Making his second appearance as a finalist, reading his new story, here’s Zach Zimby!”
[Applause, cheering]
[Zach walks out dressed in an orange jumpsuit, sunglasses, and sporting a cane]
[Zach and Reese trade places at the microphone after shaking hands]
“Well, I guess I’ll get right to it. My story is called The Knotty Snake.” …
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Excerpt from The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
… and after pouring a liberal amount of extra virgin olive oil on Willie’s snakeknot, Clancy and Kirkland began massaging it in the crevices of the knot, trying to loosen it up somehow.
“Hey, that tickles,” Willie said, and began to chuckle. If you’ve never seen a snake chuckle, it’s not a very pretty sight. Willie’s eyes scrunched up and his entire snakelength wriggled as Willie giggled. Even the knot.
“Sorry, buddy,” Clancy said, ”but we gotta do what we gotta do to get you out of this pickle.” He gave Willie some grassweed to suck on to calm him down then he and Kirkland continued to slipper up the already slippery snake. But Willie’s chuckle turned into a full out guffaw. He was shaking and laughing and laughing and shaking.
“Hoo-wee, that tickles so much,” Willie managed to say between waves of giggles, and he squirmed like a worm …
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Excerpt from The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
Fluffita felt a little nervous. Some of the exhilaration from flying over the fence earlier at practice still remained, yet a bit of anxiousness crept in. Her mother sensed this and told her everything was going to be fine. They perfected the jump and it will all go as planned. This seemed to calm the little lamb somewhat.
They both were in line at the big show now, waiting for their turn behind a large canvas backdrop. Fluffita’s first show. Her mother had done this hundreds of times, maybe even thousands. They both watched as the others from their herd trotted to the fence and gracefully glided over with an effortless bound. They heard restful sighs from the townspeople as each lamb, each sheep gently touched down.
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Partial Transcript, Personal Video Recording, September 18
George and Louise Zowenhauer (Parents)
[Cheers and applause]
[A who-hoo from offstage, later identified as coming from Renée Renault]
[Reese takes the stage again, clapping and smiling]
“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, that was some story Zach.”
[Zach walks off the stage, saluting the crowd with his cane]
[Applause dies down]
“Ooh, that story gave me the willies.”
[Laughter, whooping] …
… “Our second finalist of the Zaxby Bedtime Story Competition is about to come out and read her story. She’s not from these parts so please give her a warm welcome, Zellina Zowenhauer!”
[Cheers and applause]
[Zellina walks across the stage dressed in a Little Bo Peep costume, a crook in one hand and a large grapefruit in the other]
[Zellina and Reese exchange a few whispered words to each other and Reese exits the stage]
[Zellina turns to the audience with an open mouth broadcasting a childlike glee from speaking to a celebrity she adores]
“Hi, everyone.” Zellina waves at the crowd with her grapefruited hand.
[Cheers and applause, a few greetings from random audience members]
“Do you want to hear a story?”
[Thunderous applause and cheering]
[Camera shake makes the video unclear] …
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Partial Transcript from Eyewitness News 9, WSNR, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center - Backstage
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood, On the scene reporter
… Sasha Hoffs-Heywood: Zach, that was an incredible story! The crowd is still cheering. How are you feeling right now?
Zach Zimby: Aw, man, what a rush. I think I nailed it. I got all the voices in the right place. Probably my best story so far. Whew!
SHH: And no blood.
ZZ: And no blood, haha.
SHH: Did you happen to catch Zellina? She’s in a very adorable costume again.
ZZ: Yeah, I saw her. I think it’s a Hail Mary move because she has a weak story. I don’t think the judges care too much about that sort of thing. But, whatever.
SHH: I think it falls under Presentation.
ZZ: Oh really? Huh.
SHH: Well, Zach, best of luck with the judges and whatever the outcome, congratulations on all your stories. Thanks for speaking with us.
ZZ: Thank you, Sasha. Yeah, it’s been fun. ….
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Partial Transcript, Sawyer Convention Center
Backstage Live CCTV Feed
Renée Renault: Did you tell that news guy that I knew what your story was going to be?
Zach Zimby: Um…
RR: Do you know that’s against the rules?
ZZ: But you’re not a judge.
RR: But I work for the org-in-iz-a-tion.
ZZ: So. The news dude said “No harm, no foul.”
RR: Zach, he’s asking questions about it. It doesn’t look good.
ZZ: Okay, okay, sorry I told you.
RR:
ZZ: We still hooking up later?
RR: Ugh…
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Partial Transcript, Personal Video Recording, September 18
Janice Zimby (Sister)
[Zellina’s mouth hangs open in exaggerated awe]
“Oh, brother.” [A hushed voice very near the phone recording the video - presumably Janice]
[Zellina waves at the crowd with a grapefruit in her hand]
[Crowd cheers as she greets them]
“Are you kidding me? Little Bo Peep?”
[Zellina asks if the audience wants to hear a story]
“No.” [Sarcasm]
[Zellina begins reading her story, places the crook against a stool, and begins peeling the large grapefruit.
“What’s with the grapefruit?” [Bewilderment]
[Zellina continues reciting The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, all the while peeling the grapefruit in one long continuous serpentine rind]
“Sheep jumping over a fence - how original.” [More sarcasm]
[The grapefruit’s winding sinuous peel eventually reaches the floor as Zellina continues the story] ...
… [Zellina finishes her story to thunderous applause and cheering]
[Zellina bows, takes a bite of the now completely peeled grapefruit, and throws the remainder into the crowd]
“What was that all about?” [More bewilderment]
[Zellina grabs the crook and begins to skip offstage and meets Reese Witherspoon]
[Star and contestant embrace warmly and chat to themselves]
[More applause as Zellina finally exits]
“Finally.”
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Excerpt from The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
… And now it was their turn to jump. Fluffita’s mother knelt down as low as she could go. Fluffita climbed onto her back. It wasn’t easy but they practiced this part and she did it. Her mother got to her feet and they trotted out from behind the backdrop into the bright show lights.
There was a gasp from the audience as they saw a large ewe with a little lamb on her back. Never in the history of the show has this ever happened. The ewe started to run at the fence. Everyone held their breath, wondering what was going to happen. Fluffita felt invigorated and excited because she knew what was going to happen.
At about two yards from the once frightening fence, Fluffita’s mother suddenly and abruptly stopped and slightly lowered her head. At the same time, Fluffita jumped as hard as she could and she went sailing over the fence in a perfect, wooly arc. She landed on all four hooves and bleated sweetly. The audience sighed.
Fluffita’s mother landed next to her with a delightful plop and the two of them scampered off …
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Partial Transcript, Sawyer Convention Center
Backstage Live CCTV Feed
… “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s coming, he wanted to make sure he got all of your performance.”
“How’d I do?”
“Oh, honey, you were marvelous.”
[Hushed voice] “You recited it just like he wrote it. We’re so proud of you.”
“Mom, what was up with the grapefruit again?”
“Here’s your father now.”
[Mr. Zowenhauer enters view]
“Baby, baby, you were perfect!”
[Father and daughter embrace] …
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Excerpt from The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
… and at that moment, Clancy and Kirkland looked at each other and simultaneously knew what to do. They started tickling Willie ferociously and Willie started to laugh uncontrollably, making his snakelength twist in weird and unnatural ways. At the same time, he shook himself this way and that as he tried to remove himself from the slick hands of the meerkats.
As you probably already guessed, Clancy and Kirkland’s little trick worked and Willie was soon unraveling and, after a minute, became one long super slippery snake again.
All three of them fell back in exhaustion but they were all chuckling at Silly Willy’s silly situation and what it took to get him straight again.
“Well, I guess we won’t be playing Keep-Away from now on,” Clancy said. The others agreed.
After a quick nap, they all went outside to suck on some grassweed and drink some swamp juice. Kirkland gave Willie his hat back, which he had in his pocket. Willie thanked him and slid onto a sunny rock to rest his unraveled, but still weary, snakelength in the warmth of the late afternoon.
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Partial Transcript, Sawyer Convention Center
Backstage Live CCTV Feed (Audio redacted: improper language)
[Renée in heated discussion with Kelly Deemer, a contest judge and Sawyer Convention Center Administrator]
[Discussion continues with Zach Zimby’s name brought up often]
[Renée holds her face in her hands then suddenly storms off]
[Kelly throws her hands up in frustration then heads to the judge’s conference room]
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Partial Transcript, Sawyer Convention Center
Backstage Live CCTV Feed (Audio redacted: improper language)
[Contest judge and Sawyer Convention Center CEO Lawrence Bailey in heated discussion with George and Louise Zowenhauer]
[Louise Zowenhauer appears to be sobbing]
[George Zowenhauer shouting and finger stabbing at Lawrence]
[Zellina Zowenhauer’s name brought up often]
[Lawrence Bailey stands erect, arms folded, shaking his head at times]
[Cindy Abbott, Mr. Bailey’s assistant comes into frame and shows the Zowenhauer’s something on an iPad]
[George and Louise Zowenhauer exit the frame]
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Partial Transcript from ActionNews 4, WEFO, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center
Sam Helsinki, On the scene reporter
Sorry, guys. The winner has not been announced yet. Not sure if we’re going to have a new champion before we go off air. I don’t know if it’s a technical issue or… Although, there are only five judges. Uh… I’m going to try to find Renée Renault to see if she can shed some light on the matter. Meanwhile, everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for the judges. I guess I’ll throw it back to you guys in the studio.
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Partial transcript from Eyewitness News 9, WSNR, September 18
East Flamingo, Sawyer Convention Center
Sasha Hoffs-Heywood, On the scene reporter
I’m backstage at the Sawyer Convention Center for the finals of the Bedtime Story Competition. There seems to be some problem in announcing the winner. The judges are sequestered in a private room and I believe I saw Renée Renault leaving the building in quite a rush. Yes, our crew outside just confirmed they saw her getting into a car and speeding off. Just a sec…
Zach, Zach. I’m trying to catch up to Zach Zimby, one of the finalists but he’s walking away from me. Zach! Okay, he’s gone. I’m going to try to find Zellina or somebody else who knows what’s going on and we’ll try to get some answers. This is Sasha Hoffs-Heywood, live from the Sawyer Convention Center. Back to you.
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Excerpt from Reese Witherspoon's website, September 23
… and that was the weird part because they didn’t even announce a winner. Last time I’m doing anything like that again. By the way …
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Excerpt from Renée Renault’s Twitter account, October 19
… so they freaking fired me. And that’s not the only problem I’m dealing with …
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Excerpt from Zach Zimby’s Facebook post, January 17
… and we’re getting married in June! I’m going to be a dad!!! The ultrasound is tomorrow. Renée thinks it’s a girl, I think it’s a boy.
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Excerpt from Zellina Zowenhauer’s Instagram post, February 2
Guys, it’s been like six months. Stop with all the grapefruit pics.
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Excerpt from the recitation of The Knotty Snake, by Zach Zimby
… The End.
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Excerpt from the recitation of The Little Lamb Who Couldn’t Jump, by Zellina Zowenhauer
… That’s it.