Early

Mar 30, 2024

Early

Where were you today?

I went to the bowling alley, and I didn’t see your car in the parking lot. So I hopped inside, and I must have just missed you because you weren’t in there. But I bought a packet of Doritos from the vending machine and killed some time watching people bowl in case you had come with someone else and were in the restroom. No sign of you.

So I went over to your mother’s house, and I must have been early because she said you weren’t there and maybe I should “take my business elsewhere” or something along those lines, and she blessed my heart and closed the door. She didn’t slam it in my face or anything crazy like that; she just slowly shut it. I could hear the lock click. I can’t wait to get to know her better.

You probably went grocery shopping, so I drove over to the Whole Foods and looked for you in the produce section. I must have been early, because all the bananas were still there, as far as I could tell. So I picked up a banana and an orange and paid and left. The banana was for you since I know you like bananas. “Two bags, please,” is what I told the cashier.

After the grocery store, I checked out the park where you like to swing, but the swings weren’t moving. Not even a bit. I must have been early. Actually, I’ve only seen you swinging on them one time, but I assumed you liked riding them because you were smiling and laughing. Maybe because that guy was pushing you.

So I thought I’d check the shopping mall, but man, it’s a huge place. I could spend all day in there and not find you, even if I was looking for you with all my concentration and not checking Starbucks to see if the girl with the ponytail was working or if blankets were on sale at Macy’s. People underestimate the importance of a quality blanket. I decided to ask a security guard, but my description of you didn’t match any of his memories, and he asked if I might want to sit down and he would get me a water. I said, “Thanks, but no thanks,” and left because water is pretty boring, even though he seemed like a nice guy to drink water with.

Maybe I was being overly optimistic, but I thought I saw your car back at your apartment complex as I drove by, but it was only someone with the same model in a slightly different color. You drive a popular model of automobile. Plus, he didn’t have the shiny ball thing hanging off his mirror like you do. I was going to ask him if he knew you, but what’s the point? He was an old guy. Anyway, I waited in the parking lot for a half hour, but I must have been early, because you didn’t show up, so I ate my orange without you.

It was a Saturday, so I don’t think you would be at work, but I drove over there anyway to check because you never know. I might have been a little early to catch you at work on a Saturday, but chances are you weren’t working on the weekend because I’ve never known you to work on a weekend, early or not.

It’s quite possible you went to the gym—the one where you have a membership. There were a lot of people inside, from what I could see. I had to survey the exercise area from the front desk because I don’t have a membership at your gym. Well, okay, I don’t have a membership at any gym because I get my exercise walking to the 7-Eleven. If it’s hot, I get a Slurpee; if it’s cold, I get a hot chocolate. Sometimes I’ll get a bear claw or a honey bun. I’ve never seen you in there, but I do go pretty early, so…

I checked to see if you texted or emailed me your current whereabouts. I wasn’t too hopeful, but you know, first time for everything and all that. Or maybe you do all of your emailing later in the day. I’m around seventy-five percent sure of this possibility. A lot of people do their emailing in the evening if you think about it.

My car was running low on gas, so I drove over to the gas station. Wouldn’t it have been amazing if you were filling up your tank too? But you’re probably one of those people who gets gas on Tuesdays when the price is lower. Just a hunch. Fifty-fifty on that one. Or, it could have been a little too soon; you might not be low on gas yet. One or the other.

I’m pretty sure you don’t own a dog, so the dog park wasn’t a very good possibility, but I drove by there anyway. Nope.

Remember the time when we first met? Well, I mean the time I first saw you. We were both in the same line at the same bank. Imagine that. What were the odds? There were three people between us. Remember the stinky guy? Could you smell him? I could. I must have been late because you were in front of me. I could hear you on your phone. You were telling someone you wanted to see the new Brad Pitt movie. I wanted to shout over the stinky guy and the other two, “Hey, I wanna see the Brad Pitt movie too! ” That would’ve been something. But you got your money or whatever banking thing you did and left before I could gather up my nerves. Conversation starter—that’s what it’s called. It would’ve been a great story to tell our grandchildren sometime in the future.

I still remember our first day. I remember it a lot. If I hadn’t been late, I would have been right behind you in line. There’s no question I would have used the conversation starter. Who knows? We could be going on our seventeenth date by now. Your mother would be opening her door for me, not quietly closing it and clicking the lock. We could be getting a dog by now and going to the dog park, unless you’re allergic, in which case we could get goldfish or something. Either way works for me.

Hey, I just now realized something. Maybe, I’m always missing you because I’m early all the time—because of the bank thing—being late at the bank. I must not want to be late because there will be people between us again. I am definitely going to bring it up with my therapist at our next meeting. What a breakthrough! I think she will be proud of me for thinking this up on my own. She keeps telling me I should forget about you because you’re “seeing someone,” and you’re “older,” and all those other reasons. She wouldn’t understand the connection we had over the Brad Pitt thing. I’m not going to explain it to her because it’s our private shared experience. If I ever met Brad Pitt, I would tell him. That would be something!

It was getting pretty close to my nap time, so I headed home. People underestimate the value of a good nap. Fifteen, twenty minutes tops is all you need. Do you take naps? You probably don’t, because you’re so busy all the time. You work too much. You gotta make sure you have some time for fun. I mean, besides all those dates you go on with that guy. I can tell it’s not going to work out with him. He wears those shirts with all the holes. And he listens to loud hip-hop music or whatever it is. I can hear it when he’s coming down the road. Do you care for that stuff? I can’t see it. I’m guessing you’re into Fiona Apple, or St. Vincent, or someone cool like that. I listen to Miley Cyrus sometimes. I mean, she’s okay.

After my nap, I thought I would swing by your apartment complex again and check the parking lot, but I decided not to since you probably have a date with that guy tonight, it being Saturday night and all. It’d probably be too early anyway since you’re out doing something, who knows what. I think my therapist would be proud of me for deciding not to go check your parking lot. Her name is Ms. Williams. She has nice legs, but not as nice as yours. I’m not saying I want to look at her legs, I wouldn’t disrespect you in such a gross way, I wouldn’t do that to you; they’re kinda out there for anyone to see when I’m sitting across from her. Some things you simply can’t help. She’s a lot older than you. Is it possible she’s jealous because I like you and not her? I don’t know for sure, but life can be weird that way.

Anyway, what I did was I read a few chapters in this book. It’s called The Old Man and the Sea. It’s pretty good, and I’d recommend it to you, but I already saw you reading it once in a Starbucks. I don’t read many books, but I want to finish reading this one. I bet we would have fun discussing it, like a book club with only two members—you and me. You probably would tell me all sorts of things I didn’t get, like the meanings of stuff, and symbolism, and what the author was trying to get at. Something tells me you’re pretty smart when it comes to books.

I got pretty hungry around then, so I went out for lunch. I drove by a lot of places checking for your car, but I didn’t see it anywhere, since you probably were saving your appetite for your date. So I stopped at a Wendy’s and ate a chicken sandwich and some fries, which is not very healthy, I know, but they call it comfort food, and it’s what I wanted at the time. I’m going to try to eat more healthy stuff, because I know you prefer guys with nice bodies. Nothing wrong with thinking that way; I can’t blame you one bit for being like that. Maybe I’ll get a membership at your gym, and we can exercise together. I don’t know though; I’m kinda self-conscious about sweating in public, and maybe I won’t be able to lift a lot of those weights. We’ll see.

After lunch, I came back home and had another nap because it was kind of a disappointing day. I’m sure Ms. Williams would probably not approve of it—one nap a day is what she recommends. I don’t think I’ll be telling her about my second nap because I want her to lower my meds. I know they’re supposed to help keep the bad thoughts away, but they make me sleepy, and I kinda don’t care much about anything anymore. She always says, “Very good,” when we end our sessions, but I don’t feel any better. Then she’ll say, “See you next time,” like I’m a train on a loop, and every Tuesday and Friday I pass her station. I think I’d feel better if she lowered my meds, bad thoughts or not.

I don’t know if you know this or not, but I have a roommate. He works a lot too, like you do. Every day he comes home at six thirty and spends the next two hours making and eating this enormous dinner. It usually smells really good, but I try to stay out of the kitchen when he’s there, so I eat my dinner early. After that, I spend the rest of the evening in my room doing my own thing. You know, guy stuff. I was thinking maybe instead of staying in my room, I’ll take a walk when my roommate is having his dinner. Get some exercise in. It sounds like a good idea, but I’d probably end up at 7-Eleven getting junk food. Yeah, I don’t think I’ll tell Ms. Williams that particular idea. It’s not exactly a “moving forward ” idea.

Well, I hope you have fun on your date tonight. Sorry I missed you today. I hope you reconsider going out with that guy. Yeah, he’s good-looking, and he’s got muscles, but he’s probably an asshole, and I can tell he’s not going to treat you right. Your call, is all I’m saying. I’m going to stay in tonight; maybe watch a movie. I think people underestimate the comfort of watching a movie at home on a Saturday night. You’re welcome to join me if you feel like it. I have a big bag of Doritos and a box of glazed doughnuts.

Oh, by the way, I’m sorry, but I ate your banana. I had it with my ice cream for dessert.

Have a good night.

I’ll see you tomorrow.