Yo, look at this.
What is it?
My hoodie.
So.
It’s tie-dyed.
So.
It’s my tie-dyed hoodie. Just look at it.
I’ve seen tons of tie-dyed hoodies.
But this one is mine.
So? Where’d you get it, Target?
No, Kohl’s.
Okay, I gotta get going.
Wait.
Yeah?
Take a look at this.
A banana?
Yeah.
It has lint on it.
Never mind about that.
Okay. So?
It’s a green banana.
Every banana starts off green.
But this is my special green banana.
What’s so special about it?
I stole it.
You stole a green banana? From who?
Former President Bill Clinton.
C’mon.
It’s true.
I don’t believe you. That banana didn’t come from Bill Clinton.
Former President Bill Clinton.
Whatever.
Whaddya want, a notarized certificate of authenticity?
Kinda, yeah. That would help.
Jeez. Just follow me.
Where you going?
It doesn’t matter, just follow.
Look, my time is important to me.
But I got cool stuff for you.
I can’t just follow some rando with a green banana and a tie-dyed hoodie.
Dude, there’s so much more.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Well, I haven’t created it yet. But it’s gonna be good.
Sorry, I’m following someone else.
What? Who?
It’s a monkey from Thailand.
A monkey?
Yeah. He plays the piano.
So?
He plays Chopin.
Hmm... Well, I can play “Smoke on the Water” on a ukulele.
I’m not interested. Good luck with your banana and whatever.
Hey, wait.
What?
I gotta sister, if you know what I mean.
No, I don’t know what you mean.
She tap dances to rap music.
She taps to rap?
Yeah. She’s really good.
Nobody tap dances anymore.
You gotta see her. She does it in her pajamas.
I don’t think so.
You’re missing out, my man.
I’m going to head out.
Okay, listen. The banana isn’t from Bill Clinton.
I never thought it was.
Dude, why you so negative?
Well, first of all, you lied to me.
It was just a promotional gimmick.
And you’re exploiting your sister.
Nah, she gets five percent.
Yeah, well I’m not into tap dancing or tie-dyed hoodies.
No problem, I put out new content every week.
Yeah? You only have the hoodie, the banana, and your sister.
This stuff takes time, man.
How long you been doing this?
Six months.
Sorry, I gotta go watch Tim Tim.
The monkey?
Yeah.
The monkey’s name is Tim Tim?
Yeah. So?
You’re following Tim Tim but you don’t care about real stuff?
Whaddya mean?
Tim Tim is probably AI. Happens all the time.
I don’t think so. You can see his fingers on the piano keys.
How many fingers does he have?
What?
Dude, you’re so naive. They can make a monkey play a piano. No big deal.
Well, I get enjoyment from it so it doesn’t matter.
Man, you people.
What’s the problem?
You’re being manipulated by Big Piano.
What the...?
They want you to buy a piano, dude.
Well, I was thinking about it.
See!!
I don’t know, it looks legit. He wears a little tux. He’s so cute.
Dude.
You should see him. He cracks his knuckles before he starts playing.
I’m shaking my head. Do you see me? I’m shaking my head.
Okay, man. I gotta go.
Wait!
What?
I’ll give you ten percent off.
Ten percent off what?
The subscription fee.
You charge for this?!?
Yeah, it’s my livelihood.
How many subscribers do you have?
Counting you and my sister? Two.
I’m not subscribing.
Alright, alright.
Don’t you have a real job?
I had one.
What’d you do?
I used to test drinking water for the county.
What happened?
They let me go.
Why?
I guess they didn’t care what the water tasted like anymore.
So then what?
I transferred to animal control.
What did you do there?
You don’t want to know.
Gotcha. Well, I hope you get some followers.
Thanks, but this is just a side hustle until I get on Shark Tank.
You invent something?
Yeah.
What?
Dude, I can’t tell you unless you sign a non-disclose.
Sure, I’ll sign.
I don’t have the paperwork with me.
I’m not going to steal your idea, man. Just tell me what you invented.
It’s an app.
Oh, yeah? What does it do?
It removes all the solos from jazz songs.
You mean…
You know how you’re listening to jazz and those annoying long solos come in?
Yeah. Your app takes ‘em out?
Takes them right out. Pure melody.
Hey, that actually sounds cool. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Yeah, hopefully the Sharks wanna invest.
Well, I gotta get going.
Go ahead, look at your fake monkey. Jeez.
Aw, man, you don’t have to be like that.
Yeah, sorry.
Your hoodie looks nice, by the way.
Thanks.
No problem. See you around.
Hey, wait.
Yeah?
You want a banana?
©2025 John Cardamone. All rights reserved.
Banana in pocket by Bing.
Spot an error? Questions, comments, banana pudding recipes? – postcardinkblot@gmail.com
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