Nancy the Gnat Goes Home
Nancy the Gnat Goes Home
Okay, boys and girls. Everybody take your seat. Today’s storytime is… Sit down, please. Do you all want a story?
Okay, take your seats. The school board bought all these nice desks and seats for you, so use them. Good. Today’s storytime is called Nancy the Gnat Goes Home. It’s about… well, it’s about, spoiler alert, Nancy the Gnat. I guess I gave that one away with the title. And where is Nancy the Gnat going, I wonder.
That’s right. Home. First of all, Nancy is a gnat, not a fruit fly. Don’t ever get those mixed up. They are totally different creatures.
I don’t know, Shane, ask your real teacher when she gets back. They’re just different. One’s got, I don’t know, a longer leg or something. And remember, please raise your hand if you have a question. Okay? Good.
Here we go. Nancy the Gnat Goes Home by Jennifer Spinkle.
There once was a gnat named Nancy.
Yes, Alicia?
Yes, Alicia, it’s spelled with a G. That’s why I wrote it on the blackboard, so you all could see how it’s spelled.
No, the G is silent. You pronounce it like this - nat. Not like - guhnat.
I don’t know, it’s probably French.
There once was a gnat named Nancy. One day, she was flying home from work. She was about
Yes, Jordan?
I don’t know, it doesn’t say. Maybe she works at the tomato soup factory. Okay?
That’s nice, Jordan. I’m sure your mommy is very happy working for Home Depot. Does she get to wear the orange apron?
Yeah, I thought so.
Alrightee, back to the story.
She was about to make a sharp left turn when she noticed something yummy in a trash can on the corner. It was a Boston Cream Pie. Nancy the gnat loved Boston Cream Pies so she flew over to the trash can.
Yes, Shane.
I don’t know why it was in the trash can. Maybe there was a bakery nearby and someone dropped it on the floor so they threw it away and bought another one.
I know you would have eaten it anyway, Shane. That tells me a lot about your home life.
Listen, kids. This is not just me telling you a story. You’re supposed to use your imagination to fill in all the details that the story doesn’t provide. Shall I continue?
Nancy loved Boston Cream
Yes, Sandra.
Details are small things about a person or a place or a thing. Let’s say you go on a date with a handsome guy, then you find out he has bad breath, and a tattoo of a pitbull on his shoulder, and he’s sorta married. Those are details, kids. Details are very important. Remember that, mmkay?
Nancy loved Boston Cream Pies and flew over to the trash can. There it was. A scrumptious pie. Nancy the gnat was so happy she did a backflip in mid air.
Yes. Is it Lily? Lilianne. Sorry, I can’t read Mrs. Hoffstadtler’s writing.
A Boston Cream Pie is like a yellow cake with vanilla pudding inside and chocolate on top.
Yes, it does sound good, doesn’t it? Maybe I’ll bring one in tomorrow if Mrs. Hoffstadtler’s dead husband doesn’t wake up.
What’s that?
No, I’m not married. Are you, Lilianne? Well, we have something in common then.
She landed on top of the discarded dessert and began eating it in big gulps. It was so delicious.
Sandra?
No, I don’t know how to make it. I’ll have to go to a bakery and buy one. My talents lie… elsewhere.
But soon Nancy the Gnat ate too much of the Boston Cream Pie. She became so full she could hardly fly. So she decided to
No, Lilianne, you cannot marry Shane. Not only are you guys too young but he’s probably busy with sports or something.
Don’t say “ew gross”, Shane. You’d be lucky to have a girl like Lilianne.
Let’s see, where was I?
She became so full
yada yada
So she decided to ride on a bike messenger’s shoulder the rest of the way home. He had a pretty, blue helmet and a purple hoodie. Nancy flew
Um… Carly. Yes?
A bike messenger is someone who delivers important papers from one person to another person. If you’re in a big city, like Nancy is, it’s usually better to use a bike, otherwise you’d be stuck in traffic all day.
Well, important papers are like apple pie recipes or a Valentine’s Day card or divorce papers. Stuff like that. Okay, Carly?
Okay.
Nancy flew over and landed on the bike messenger’s shoulder and away they went. “Whee,” Nancy cried. “This is so much fun.” She always liked
I know gnats can’t speak English, Damon. The author is translating this from gnat language. Besides, this is a work of fiction. Okay?
Fiction means it’s not real. It’s all made up. Like when the guy you’re dating says he works in the healthcare industry. But is he a doctor? No. Is he a nurse? No. He works in a warehouse boxing up surgical sponges. That’s fiction. Or he tells you he lives in a penthouse apartment but it turns out to be his mother’s attic. Fiction, children. All fiction.
I’m fine, Damon, I’m fine.
Where was I? Right, Nancy’s having fun.
She always liked riding a bike. At least, riding on someone who was riding a bike. Nancy loved the feel of the breeze blowing across her wings.
Yes, Shane.
No, I don’t think Nancy is wearing a helmet. She went to the store and they didn’t have an extra extra small micro size. Okay?
Nancy loved the feeling of the breeze
You know what else should come in an extra extra small micro size? Never mind, I’ll tell you later.
the breeze
blah blah
Just then, the bicycle messenger and Nancy the gnat passed a bus stop with people waiting for a bus. Nancy realized that she hadn’t bugged anyone all day. So, she flew off the bicycle messenger’s shoulder and buzzed around a man’s head. Nancy laughed at the funny way he moved his hands around trying to get her out of his way.
What’s that, Oliver?
You don’t like that part? Why not?
Oh, so you don’t like it when a girl is having fun and the boy gets annoyed? Is that right? Let me tell you something, kids. I was in a relationship once with this guy named Ricardo. Well, technically his name was Richard but I called him Ricardo.
Ricardo is just better. Makes it sound like he’s from Mexico when he’s actually from Queens. So anyway, Ricardo tells me that he only wanted to… um… date me one time and that we weren’t really boyfriend/girlfriend. Well that stung. A lot. So it goes both ways, Oliver.
Alright, let’s see…
Nancy then buzzed around a woman holding a briefcase in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. She couldn’t swat at Nancy like the man did. So she tried to blow her away. Nancy laughed at the funny faces the woman made trying to keep a tiny, little insect away from her face. Nancy had fun bugging the people at the bus stop but she soon became hungry again and flew around looking for something to eat.
Yes, Shane.
That’s a good idea, Shane. Maybe she should eat a hamburger. You know, my ex used to eat a hamburger with a fork and knife. I know, right? Who does that? He would make fun of me when I used my hands to eat a burger. Of course, he didn’t say anything when I ate a hot dog with my hands.
Okay, back on topic.
She finally spotted a little boy eating a slice of pizza. She landed on the crust and cautiously made her way down to the tomato sauce and cheese. The little boy didn't seem to notice her so she began to
You know, my ex had rules for eating pizza too. Do you believe that? Rules for eating a slice of pizza! You gotta fold it. You’re not supposed to blot the oil off with your napkin. You gotta eat it with your hands, no fork or knife.
Yeah, the same guy with the hamburger. I tell ya. Okay, enough of that.
Umm…
didn’t seem to notice her so she began eating the pizza with him. When she had enough pizza, Nancy decided to head home. It was just one more block.
Yes, Shane.
Of course I like pizza. Sometimes I like mushrooms and spinach on mine.
Pepperoni? Absolutely, Shane. Pepperoni’s the best. We think alike, little man. Air high five. Nice.
Okay, one more block guys and I think Nancy the gnat will be home.
Nancy rounded the corner and there was her building. She lived on the third floor with an elderly lady named Patricia Patterson and her pet parrot Peter. Patricia always left the window open
Yes, Lilianne?
No, Peter won’t fly out the window because he lives in a big cage. Okay? Don’t worry about Peter, he’s not going anywhere. Unlike a guy I dated in college. He was always going somewhere, if you know what I mean. I wish I’d had a big cage for him.
Let’s see, the window was open.
and Nancy flew into the apartment and buzzed around Peter the parrot’s cage. That was her way of saying hello. Peter squawked back to Nancy. That was his way of saying welcome home.
Alicia?
Yes, Peter and Nancy could understand each other. They found a way to communicate with one another. It shouldn't be that difficult. Like when you tell someone you like one thing and not another but they keep trying to do the other thing. No com-mu-ni-ca-tion. Does that make sense, Alicia? Good.
Nancy then flew over to the garbage pail where she liked to sleep. The smell of garbage always made her feel at ease and she would sleep there all night until Patricia Patterson threw out her coffee grounds the next morning.
Hey, Emma. What is it?
I know, garbage is really stinky sometimes. However, gnats seem to love garbage. They don’t mind that it’s a little stinky. But thanks for your input, Emma. I’ll pass it on to the proper authorities.
Nancy the gnat slept all night and she had wonderful dreams of Boston Cream Pies and bike messengers and her old friend Peter the Parrot.
Yes, Charlotte.
Yes, gnats really do dream. It’s documented right here in this book. It even has a colorful picture of Nancy the gnat dreaming. See? Right here. Look how peacefully she’s sleeping. That’s because there’s no boy gnat next to her snoring all night.
I told you Damon, I’m fine.
Okay, we’re almost finished here.
The next morning, Nancy got up and brushed her teeth
Put your hands down. No, gnats don’t have teeth. I think the author was trying to make a funny joke.
Nancy got up and brushed her teeth, and buzzed around Peter the parrot’s cage. That one meant good morning. Then, Nancy the gnat flew out of Patricia Patterson’s open window looking for a brand new adventure.
The End.
Okay. Did you all like that story?
Yeah, me too. That was fun. Weird, but fun.
Okay, everyone. It’s nap time. Go grab a cushion and find a spot. Remember - nap time is quiet time. I need to get some… uh… work done (if I can find my darn thermos). Great. After your nap we’ll do some painting. Yay.
Charlotte, get your own cushion. Okay. Very nice, you guys.
Yes, Shane. What is it? Can’t you find a cushion?