Tattoo Moon
Tattoo Moon
Do you want a tattoo or not?
Nah, I think I’ll pass.
What’d you come in here for then?
I thought about getting a tattoo, but it looks like you don’t do that.
What you mean, dude?
I mean, you’re just drawing on people’s skin.
Yeah, dude, that’s what a frickin’ tattoo is.
With a Sharpie.
Ah, man. I’m an artiste. It don’t matter what medium I use.
Yeah, it sorta does. A Sharpie?
Dude, ink on skin - that’s what a tattoo is.
Uh.. ink in skin is what a tattoo is. It’s permanent.
These are permanent markers, man!
Okay, whatever. You have a cool name for your place, though.
I hate it.
Why? Tattoo Moon. That’s pretty cool. It’s exotic sounding.
The sign guy fucked it all up. It’s s’posed to be somethin’ else.
What was it supposed to be?
It was gonna be Tattoo Mon. Y’know, like Jamaican for tattoo man.
Uhm.. Tattoo Mon?
Yeah, but he fucked it up.
That’s pretty funny, actually. But I like it better with Moon.
Yeah, whatever.
Maybe you can tell people it’s for Keith Moon.
Who’s he?
Nevermind.
Do you want some ink or not?
No, I think I’m good.
Did you see what I did to the last guy?
What?
I put an invisible tattoo of a barbell on his forehead.
A barbell?
Yeah, he’s a weightlifter. He wanted a barbell, but not too obvious.
Why not?
He works at Chuck E. Cheese. No tattoos.
Mm-hmm.
So I said to him - What about an invisible tattoo?
And he went for it?
Yeah. No one would see it but he would know it’s there.
How’d you do that?
Dried up Sharpie.
You gotta be kidding.
No, man. He felt it going on, so he knows it’s there.
But it’s not there.
It’s there in spirit, dude. He was real happy.
Yeah? How much did you charge him?
Fifty.
Fifty dollars?! For a non-existent tattoo?!
Dude, why you bustin’ my balls.
I just thought this was a real tattoo place.
Man, this place is real. I do quality work.
Are these your work? They look like a kid’s drawings.
No, man. Those my daughter did. She likes to hang ‘em up.
Jesus.
What?
Do you even own a tattoo gun?
I need to get me a following first.
A what?
A following. When I get known, I’ll get myself a tattoo machine.
Okay, okay.
You gotta have a following first, man. That’s how it’s done.
Okay, tattoo mon.
Ah, dude. Why you gotta be like that?
Because you’re posing as a tattoo artist when you’re just drawing on people’s skin with a Sharpie.
Dude, I got lots of colors. Different size Sharpies too.
Alright. Good luck with everything.
Wait.
Yeah?
I’ll give ya your first tattoo for free.
Free?
Yeah. Just tell people where you got it. Okay?
Hmm.
C’mon. Whaddya want? An anchor? A mermaid?
Really?
Whaddya want, then?
Let me think about it.
Think about it? It’ll take ten minutes, man.
Can you do a lion?
Shit, yeah, I can do a lion. Did one for my wife.
You did a lion tattoo on your wife? With a Sharpie?
Well, more of a cat.
Oh.
Yeah, we got a cat. Tinkles.
Tinkles?
Yeah, my daughter named it. Like Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star.
Uh.. you mean..
What?
Nevermind.
Where you want your lion? Forehead?
No, I don’t want it on my forehead. Jesus.
Alright, where then?
I want to see it on paper first. Do a lion roaring on paper.
Sheeit, no problemo. Take me ten minutes.
Okay, I’m going to get a coffee next door.
Okay, man. It’ll be done.
Yo, wassup, welcome to Tattoo… Oh, it’s you.
Done with my tattoo yet?
Yeah, I’m all done. Here ya go.
That’s a tiger.
What’d you want?
A lion.
Same difference.
This looks like your kid did it.
Nah, man. I just did it.
In crayon?
C’mon, man. I’m busy here.
Yeah, I can see a lot of customers.
Dude.
How many tattoos have you done?
A lot, man. A lot.
Yeah, how many?
Dude, this is a place of bizzness. I do a lot of bizzness.
Well, I’m sorry, that lion isn’t up to my standards.
C’mon, it’ll look a lot better on your skin.
Yeah? And it’s free?
Free as a bird.
That doesn’t make any..
What?
Okay, how about an invisible lion on my arm, right here. So I can look at it all the time.
You got it, dude.
Ten minutes?
Ten minutes, my man. Invisible, right?
Invisible. Absolutely.
Great. Sit there and watch the magic happen. This might sting a little.
What? Why?
Dude, I just say that. Makes it more authentic.
Gotcha.
All done. Whaddya think?
Looks great, man.
See. I told ya.
Yeah, goes with my shirt and everything.
Alright, man, whatever. It’s there in spirit.
Well, this has been quite an experience. Do you have a card?
A what?
A business card. In case I want to tell my friends.
Oh. I haven’t got bizzness cards yet.
No problem. Mind if I take a picture of your sign outside? Tattoo-oo Moo-oon.
Ah, man, I can’t tell if you’re fuckin’ with me.
I got an invisible lion tattoo from the original Tattoo Mon!
Dude. I’m a strugglin’ bizzness man.
Sorry, just having a little fun. Let me buy you a coffee from next door.
Yeah?
Yeah. For doing the ink on my arm.
Okay, cream and sugar.
You want a donut?
Yeah, get me a jelly. Thanks.
A coffee and a jelly donut for the Tattoo Mon! Be right back.
Hey, I’m home.
In the kitchen.
Hi. Sorry they didn’t have that ice cream you wanted.
No Monkey Mocha Mayhem. Dern it.
I got you some apple fritters at that coffee place.
Oh, I love those. Thanks.
How’s the little one?
I think I felt a kick before you got home.
So cool.
What’s that on your arm?
What? You can see that?
Is that a tattoo?
Uhm..
Wait, let me see. Is that a donkey?
A what? You can see my tattoo?
Looks like a kid did it.
Bastard Tattoo Mon.
Why does it say A-hole underneath it?
Nevermind.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, honey. Silly man, getting a tattoo.
It was supposed to be a lion roaring.
Ooh, so manly.
Hey, you want to see something funny tomorrow?
Sure. What?
We gotta go to Chuck E. Cheese.